Statue at Ibrox

The Daily Record’s latest piece of £10m Sevco transfer succulent lamb is priceless

So as we all know transfer stories are the order of the day.

Whether it’s players incoming, outgoing, speculation or confirmation, the amount of news surrounding players in and around Celtic is phenomenal.

But nothing, and I mean NOTHING will beat his fluff piece from the Daily Record regarding Todd Cantwell.

The Norwich star has been linked to the Ibrox outfit this January and this review of him by Gary Holt is just magnificent.

To save you clicking on it, here are the brilliant highlights from this terrible piece:

Graham Dorrans compared him to James Maddison in Record Sport – is that fair?

“I’d say that’s fair but James is maybe a wee bit more robust than Todd. Todd ain’t going to tackle – and I’m not saying James is a great tackler – or win many headers. He hates heading the ball.

“He’d rather run a mile than head a ball! He’s never liked heading a ball. I hate tagging players but he’s a luxury player, one of those luxury players at the top end of the pitch who if you give him the ball he will create goals out of nothing. He’d be outstanding at home for Rangers. The big stage, the big crowd. That’s his element.”

But could he do it on a wet Wednesday night at Dens?

“He probably could do. I’m maybe doing him a bit of an injustice. But if you left him out on a cold Wednesday night at Dens Park then you wouldn’t be surprised. I’m not saying you wouldn’t play him but why risk him if you have other boys? You know where you need to roll your sleeves up and dig in. You could bring him on for the last 20 minutes away at Dens Park and he’d win you the game but play him at places where you will dictate the game and he can certainly unlock doors, not a problem.”

So to sum up, he hates heading and tackling and is a luxury player who can roll up his sleeves and dig in? Without heading and tackling. And he’s worth £10m.

Sounds like a right good fit for the Scottish league. Imagine the scout report:

“Right gaffa. Fand a roight diamond geezer. He hates heading the ball and tackling. He doesn’t like playing in Dundee and can only play in the summer. He loves digging in, but not doing the dirty work and he only prefers to play the last 20 minutes of every game. But he will go for £10m if we sell him later on.”

Sounds like a right good fit for that club.

Like what you have read? Leave a comment and share with friends